:Merton: "The librarian is a palm-scanning human book absorptionist! Okay, that's not the Latin name for it, but the point is she's turning people into books."

The librarian of the bookmobile has a motto. She thinks everyone has a story to tell, and she'll get that story with no regard for the life of the teller! With the help of a palm-scanning machine, she turns the unsuspecting customers into their own autobiography.

She hates loud noises. She enjoys irony. When TNT get turned into Weightlifting for Dummies, she remarks, "Indeed."


This character is played by Carol Shamy.


  • Books
  • Life Stories
  • Babylonian Spells
  • Starbucks



Became My Life on the Beat, a book with a police badge on the front.
Become Weightlifting for Dummies. The scanning machine apparently works on two palms stacked on top of each other.
It is unknown what book Bob Dawkins became.
Becomes All-American Cheerleader.
It can only be assumed that she changed these two people into books too, not comfirmed, but they do show up in the same missing persons report as Stacey and TNT.